The Problems with Night Elves.

[Fomor]

The original author is (an apparently very wise) Gnome.

Here, after profound study and analysis, I have listed the main problems about Night Elves. Not only have I now listed the problems, but possible reason why the nature of the Night Elf is thus. I assure you that all my data is based on pure hard fact.

Night Elves are stuck up.

It's true.They're all full of themselves, the selfish, willy nillies. Ask any non-Night Elf.

Night Elf Females are confused.

It is no mystery why it is common to see Night Elf females dancing close to each other. The males of the race have been missing for 10,000 years. It is perfectly acceptable that the females are attracted to each other.

Night Elf Druids are confused.

These druids have been hibernating for thousands of years. It appears many of them have forgotten their origins and prefer to flirt with bears and other animals as opposed to the females of the race, who are too busy flirting with one another.

Night Elves lack clothing.

Having no sheep, fields to grow cotton, etc, Night Elves have a profound lack of clothing. Yes, they have feathers and bark to wear, but I am assured that many of them discover at a young age that feathers attract lice, and bark chafes. So, since it is apparent that the Elves live most of their young life without clothing, they come to our lands expecting to be able to prance around naked as a jaybird and be accepted. Well I assure you, the jaybirds are more modest, at least they put up with the lice.

Night Elves can't use ships.

Have you ever seen a working Night Elf ship? No! Most of them are sunk or wrecked! This could be from Naga, Murlocs, or poor Night Elf navigation, but then WHY make a new city out in deep water!? It's insane! I can only blame this on Staghelm.

Night Elves act wrong.

Night Elf women run like little girls. Night Elf women lie down like an innocent young girl taking a nap. Night Elf women sit like little girls, innocent and attentive to whom ever they are listening to. Night Elf women flip in mid air when they die like a little girl taking a mace to the head. Then, Night Elf women dance like strippers. SO INCREDIBLY WRONG. Night Elf men walk like pimps, especially when surrounded by Night Elf women. SO INCREDIBLY WRONG. YOU SICK, NAUGHTY, BAD, BAD PERVERTS!

Night Elf Hunters aren't stopping.

We all know about the number of Night Elf Hunters. But, they are still being rolled today. They just don't get it.

Night Elves are the source of all problems.

And from them, all problems have spread further outward... They summoned Sargeras and the Burning Legion. Which lead to Highbourne and Satyr. Which lead to the Sundering. Which lead to Naga. Which lead to the Burning Legion returning 10'000 years later. Which lead to the Scourge. Which lead to Blood Elves. For all we know, they'll be written to be the source of Harpies too.

Night Elves aren't Gnomes.

Thank the maker!

Night Elves are enhanced Trolls.

Anything that comes from Trolls is just bad, whether it's their smell, taste, or art decor styles. So why a Night Elf may still be blessed with eternity water, they're still just an enhanced Troll. Imagine if Gnomes had access to the Well of Eternity! Why, I bet we'd get as tall as Dwarfs! Giants among men!

Night Elves hate home.

There are more Night Elves in Elwynn Forest, Ironforge, and Stormwind then anywhere else in the world. In fact, Night Elves leave Kalimdor as fast as possible. Yet, soon enough when they get around 10-20ish, they start spamming the general chats with "Portal to Darnassus please." WELL WHY DID YOU LEAVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!?

Night Elves farm gold.

87.32% of Night Elves farm gold. Dwarves farm gold as well, but that's expected, they're Dwarves. Night Elves are just being hypocrytical.

Night Elves hate nature.

I'm going to give you two visualizations. First of all, think of a Night Elf, with what you know of your experiences of them. Then, read my two examples, and see which one is closer.

A. A Night Elf alone in the wilds healing nature. It eats only to feed itself, and nothing stops its vengeance when protecting the forests. It has a set territory and will help anyone who needs assistance in the wilds. It knows the local wildlife by name and can smell an enemy scent from miles away.

B. A Night Elf sitting outside a tavern, breath smelling like ale, complaining about the heat and waving at flies that buzz around it aggravatingly. Behind it, there is a lumber mill with great trees being cut down, but it is more frustrated at the wine someone just spilled on it's crotchless chaps. How could someone embarrass it so during this prime social gathering?

It's true. Most people pick B.

Well, there you have it. The problems with Night Elves. Frankly, I didn't continue my study to include possible solutions for the misguided race.

Please feel free to add your own proven facts about Night Elves!

[Qiris]

OK that was funny, I giggled at work and then had to explain what a Night Elf is. I think I just ruined my career.

[Rhoach]

Well done...