Under Pressure

[Amahli]

((Sorta the sequel to the first one))

She didn't know how long it had been. Hours, days even. It felt like a dream; some horrible nightmare in which she was trapped.

After the long, bloody war of the Alterac Valley, when the red film of rage finally lifted from Amahli's eyes, she was absolutely horrified at what she had done - what she had become. She couldn't bear the aftermath, bodies strewn about the fields, some bearing huge claw and teeth marks for which she knew she was responsible. So she fled to the first haven she could think of, to find solace in the peace of Moonglade; and as she lay among the weeds along the shore of the lake, her eyes focused on the image of her reflection.

Try as she may, her thoughts kept cycling back to the war. How could she have done it? All of the teachings and lessons drilled into her head since her youth had simply vainished, and she'd nearly lost her mind. She'd nearly lost her life!

Wiping her tear soaked eyes, she heard a voice inside her say, Did you really think it would bring them back? That it would bring him back?

She clenched her eyes shut tightly, as if that would block it out, but to no avail. Stupid girl, silly girl.. Hand stained red. And for what? The Earth Mother would be ashamed!

A scream wrenching from her throat shouted, "Shut up!" She pounded the earth once with a fist. "Shut up, shut up, sh.. shut.." she was cut off by a great sob, and collapsed in her own grief. She was stupid! She was even ashamed of herself. Losing control like that went against everything she'd ever learned. She hated herself!

Cry, baby, cry, her own thoughts practically sneered at her, tears now freely flowing down her cheeks, to splash the grass beneath her.

She was in such a state of turmoil that she didn't even hear the approaching steps behind her, along the road. "You a'right?" asked a young voice timidly, causing her to jump a little in surprise. Hastily wiping her watery eyes on a sleeve, Amahli turned to face him - a young male Tauren. He continued, hesitation showing in his posture and voice. "Was on route ter m'trainer an' 'appened ter catch sight o' yah. D'ya need a 'and?"

With a short and pitiful laugh, she told him, "Naw 'less yah kin mend a broken soul."

He titled his head curiously (Amahli guess him to be about half her own age). "'Ow'd y'break it?"

Blinking, to clear her eyes better, Amahli eyed the child. "Why should you care?" she demanded. "Doncha have lessons ta be gettin' to?"

The boy looked taken back. "Ain't yah a druid? M'druid teacher hisself taught us 'is very first' lesson: 'Always 'elp another an' each other, cause thas' what we do.'" he quoted. "Er.. somethin' akin t'that anyway.. point 'ee try ter make is we train in th'Mother's compassion an' wisdom. Though we 'ave ter kill now'n'then, we do so ter protect those 'oo need it, naw fer th'joy o' killin'."

As Amahli continued to stare at the boy - who was no little embarassed at his own speech - the words of her own trainer echoed in her mind, triggered by what the child had said. 'First, we must remember to keep our heads! Our path is one of aid and compassion, but also one of danger. As such, even when altering your shape to defend yourself and comrades, remember who you are..'

He rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Um, well, if there ain't nuthin' Ah kin do fer yah, Ah'll be on m'way.." At Amahli's nod, and seeing the distraction in her eyes, he turned himself back down the road to continue on his own path.

So it was, when Amahli glanced cautiosly back at her reflection on the lake surface, she no longer was overwhelmed by the ravenous killer she thought herself to be. The inner voice, as well, which had been so dominant before, was also quieted. It would take an extremely long time for that voice of self-doubt and guilt to completely fade, but at least now she could manage. And so, as she lifted herself from the ground and gathered her belongings, it felt as if the burden on her shoulders had been lightened somewhat, and she stepped off along the path, destined for home and repeating over and over again to herself..

Remember who you are..

Edited October 27, 2006 by Amahli