How the Litch King Stole Winter Veil!

[Jasena]

Every Toon

Down in Azeroth

Liked Winter Veil a lot...

But the Lich King,

who lived in Northrend,

Did NOT!

The Lich King hated Winter Veil! The whole Winter Veil season!

Now, please don't ask why. Only lore geeks know the reason.

It could be that Frostmourne had corrupted him outright.

It could be, perhaps, that he suffers from frostbite.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that Jaina broke his heart in Westfall.

But,

Whatever the reason,

His heart or his soul,

He stood there on Winter Veil Eve, hating us all,

Glaring down from Icecrown with a sour, Lich Kingy frown

At the warm lighted windows below in our town.

For he knew every Toon down in Azeroth below

Was busy now, planning to give him the heave-ho.

"And they're equipping epic gear!" he snarled with a sneer.

"Tomorrow is Winter Veil! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his Lich King fingers thunderously drumming,

"I MUST find a way to keep Winter Veil from coming!"

For, tomorrow, he knew...

...All the Horde and Alliance

Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush to an instance!

And then! Oh, the trade chat! Oh, the chat! Chat! Chat! Chat!

That's one thing he hated! The CHAT! CHAT! CHAT! CHAT!

Then Toons, from gnome to tauren, would sit down to a great feast.

And they'd feast! And they'd feast!

And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!

They would eat gingerbread cookies, and a rare Mammoth Feast

Which was something the Lich King couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN

They'd do something he liked least of all!

Every Toon down in Azeroth, the tall and the small,

Would stand close together, with Winter Veil treats digesting.

They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Toons would start questing!

They'd quest! And they'd quest!

AND they'd QUEST! QUEST! QUEST! QUEST!

And the more the Lich King thought of the Winter Veil-Questing

The more the Lich King thought, "I must stop this whole thing!

"Why for six long years I've put up with it now!

I MUST stop Winter Veil from coming!

...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!

An awful idea!

THE LICH KING

GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Lich King Laughed in his throat.

And he made a quick Greatfather Winter hat and a coat.

And he chuckled, and cackled, "What a great Lich Kingy joke!

"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like the ol’ bloke!"

"All I need is a reindeer..."

The Lich King looked around.

But since Nesingwary turned up, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the old Lich King...?

No! The Lich King simply said,

"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"

So he summoned the frost wyrm Sapphiron to his stead.

And he placed a reindeer illusion upon the wyrm’s head.

THEN

He loaded some frostweave bags

And some old empty sacks

On a ramshackle sleigh

And he hitched up old Sapph.

Then the Lich King said, "Giddyap!"

And the sleigh started down

Toward the homes where the Toons

Lay a-snooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.

All the Toons were all dreaming sweet dreams without care

When he came to the first house in the square.

"This is stop number one," The old Lich King hissed

And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.

But if Greatfather Winter could do it, then so could this Lich.

He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.

Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue

Where the little Toon stockings all hung in a row.

"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,

Around the whole room, and he took every present!

Rare pets! And motorcycles! Magic carpets! Leather Drums!

Enchantments! Trinkets! Potions! And Wintergrasp plums!

And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Lich King, very nimbly,

Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Toons' feast!

He took the Toon-pudding! He took the great feast!

He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.

Why, that Lich King even took their last enriched root lasher!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.

"And NOW!" grinned the Lich King, "I will stuff up the tree!"

And the Lich King grabbed the tree, and he started to shove

When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast, and he saw a small Toon!

A gnome, who looked no older than two.

The Lich King had been caught by this little Toon daughter

Who'd got out of bed for some late night raiding and slaughter.

She stared at the Lich King and said, "Greatfather Winter, why,

"Why are you taking our Winter Veil tree? WHY?"

But, you know, that old Lich King was so smart and so slick

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Greatfather Winter lied,

"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.

"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.

"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And his fib fooled the gnome. Then he patted her head

And he got her a forty and he sent her to bed.

And when Littlestabs Toon went to bed with her cup,

HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!

Then the last thing he took

Was the log for their fire.

Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.

On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.

And the one speck of food

That he left in the house

Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

Then

He did the same thing

To the other Toons’ houses

Leaving crumbs

Much too small

For the other Toons’ mouses!

Not even the Toon banks and all their shared loot

Were safe from the wicked Lich Kingy brute.

All their glyphs! Their rare mats! Gold in vast sums!

Nothing he left in this most sacred of sanctums.

It was quarter past dawn...

All the Toons, still a-bed

All the Toons, still a-snooze

When he packed up his sled,

Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!

The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!

Three thousand feet up! Up the Icecrown Citadel rampart,

He rode to the tiptop, what a blackheart!

"Pooh-pooh to the Toons!" he was lich-ish-ly humming.

"They're finding out now that no Winter Veil is coming!

"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!

"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two

"Then all the Toons down in Azeroth will all cry QQ!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Lich King,

"That I simply must hear!"

So he paused. And the Lich King put a hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.

It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!

Why, this sound sounded merry!

It couldn't be so!

But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down from Icecrown!

The Lich King popped his eyes!

Then he shook!

What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Toon down in Azeroth, the tall and the small,

Was singing! Without any presents at all!

He HADN'T stopped Winter Veil from coming!

IT CAME!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Lich King, with his lich-feet ice-cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?

It came without ribbons! It came without tags!

"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"

And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.

Then the Lich King thought of something he hadn't before!

"Maybe Winter Veil," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.

"Maybe Winter Veil...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?

Well...in Azeroth they say

That the Lich King’s black heart

Grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,

He whizzed with his loots through the bright morning light

And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!

And he...

...HE HIMSELF...!

The Lich King carved the roast beast!