Funny little story friend showed me

[Ange Sans Ailes]

Words from a university English professor:

It takes a little cerebral AND confrontational power to be a collegian these days.......

here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

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"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The

process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his

or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a

short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another

paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph,

and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each

time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO

talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The

story

is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:

Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.

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STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The

chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now

reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he

liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off

Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too

much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the

question.

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(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now

in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the

neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had

spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,he

said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign

of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle

beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo

bay.

The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the

cockpit.

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(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one

last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever

had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless

hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law

Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper

one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared

out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly

and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her

from

her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why

must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered

wistfully.

------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands

of

miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its

lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the

Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth

a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to

destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty

the

Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to

pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly

initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the

atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine

headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the

inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and

85

million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference

table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em

out of the sky!"

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(rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing

partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

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(gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at

writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile

tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an

air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

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(rebecca)

*sshole

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(gary)

b*tch

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(rebecca)

Wanker.

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(gary)

s*ut

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(rebecca)

Get f*cked.

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(gary)

Eat s*it.

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(rebecca)

F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

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(gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

**********************************************

(teacher)

A+ - I really liked this one.

[Balandar]

Heheheheh.

I wish I could write like that.. but I suppose that is why I am a Computer Science major.

[Prometheus]

Hehehehe that is a very very interesting story.

[Guest Votive]

Why wasn't I ever given assignments like that. 8(

[Wolf]

I think they must have been dating