My failed attempt to blow up the Deeptram

[Martok]

Posted by Drakain of the Garona server:

Well, despite my best efforts, I have failed in my attempt to strike fear in the infindels of the Human alliance. Though, in all fairness, I cannot be held entirely responsible. As with most failures, the reasons were manifold.

First, I will outline basically the approach I had so that any others who have a similar plan may learn from my mistakes. Included will be a list of faulty assumptions as well a brief outline of suppliers.

Faulty Assumptions

1) Humans are not as stupid as previously thought.

Contrary to all the evidence that states otherwise, I have proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that Humans IQ is above that of a peanut. I refer you to the study, "A peanut is smarter than a human" By Nightviper. My initial hope was just to waltz into human city under the pretext that I was not undead, but merely "Goth". While I did fool a good number of the more verbal humans, the guards were not. Indeed, I beginning to suspect that the gibberish that the humans spout off may actually be some kind of rudimentary communication, like what chimpanzees do when they throw poop at each other. The guards proved to be... a challenging obsticle. I'd like to point out while a peanut would clearly not see through my clever ruse, the humans did. This in and of itself suggests the invalidity of Nightviper's theory.

Ultimately, I made it through to my destination, mostly by pretending I was dead, more so then I actually am. And by pretending I mean actually dying.

Once I finally made it to the the deeptram I was disappointed to see that my plan would not result in the wholesale destruction of alliance members. There was hardly anyone there! Nonetheless, the intrisinc benefits of actually destroy the tram demanded that I go through with my plan, though there would be little to no blood spray involved to reward my efforts.

Let me make a brief aside here to make an observation about Venture Company's animal resources divisions. I had explicitly asked for SHARKS with LASER SITES mounted on their heads and NAPALM FILLED MOUTHS for this particular enterprise. Instead, I got one old Opossum with a ping pong paddle and a beanie. I hope in this report some goblin representive will note that they have lost a customer and that I will NEVER recommend them to any other evil masterminds such as myself. Aside from the logistic problems introduced by the fact that Opossums are, in fact, unable to breath underwater and therefore unable to survive once the tram has been flooded, but instead of viciously attacking people, they just play dead. Though I have to admit, the beanie was cute.

My final, and most significant oversight, were the explosives themselves. I had verified myself they were quite potent my planting some samples in some treasure chests and watching some greedy dwarves be blown to smithereens. What I did not count on, however, was Tram Security. I foolishly assumed that all explosives substances would be carefully scrutinized and confiscated before I could actually board the tram. I was wrong. In anticipation to this problem I had hidden my 120 pounds of C-4 in several very large pumpkins. After convicning the the guard that I was, in fact, a human with a severe case of leperousy he asked if I had any fruits or vegetables.

I thought that was strange. Here I was, a rotting corpse, with a sword, a firestone, a wand, with more than one device that would lead, one way or another, to a most unpleasant demise and 120 pounds of C-4 and he was asking me if I had an fruits or vegetables. I asked him why and he just said "The agricultural commision of the alliance has very strict regulations." To my dismay he confiscated my pumpkins.

So, as you can see, the venture was an complete and utter failure. But we learned several important things - 1) Humans are probably smarter than peanuts. 2) They have very strict agricultural regulations. 3) Venture Company Animal Division is not a reliable source.

What's worse, Apparantly I parked my horse illegally and when I got back to stormwind I had a 60 dollar ticket.

Does anyone want to buy a Opossum?

http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.a...p=1#post1251062

[Rhoach]

Very nice!

[Volonazra]

Hurhur silly deadie