To my dear wife

[Balandar]

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean

17 times it was too late

49 times you were too tired

20 times it was too hot

15 times you pretended to be sleep

22 times you had a headache

17 times you were afraid of waking the baby

16 times you said you were too sore

12 times it was the wrong time of the month

19 times you had to get up early

9 times you said weren't in the mood

7 times you were sunburned

6 times you were watching the late show

5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo

3 times you said the neighbors would hear us

9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there

8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling

4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with

7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished

1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

KEEP READING.......

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TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat

36 times you did not come home at all

21 times you didn't *=!

33 times you came too soon

19 times you went soft before you got in

38 times you worked too late

10 times you got cramps in your toes

29 times you had to get up early to play golf

2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls

4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

3 times you had a cold and your nose was running

2 times you had a splinter in your finger

20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day

6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book

98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

[Balandar]

Another one:

HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to

meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friend all day long,

so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no

comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go

somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I

asked

him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he

was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and

kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I

love you too.

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted

nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed

distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later

he

came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love,

but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere

else.

I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him

with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried

until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his

thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY

Played a horrible game of golf today! Shot a 95. Can't putt for

######.

Got laid though.

[Altarial]

Haha I liked the first one best.

[Dement]

yeah both of those were pretty funny

[Rhoach]

Another one:

Played a horrible game of golf today! Shot a 95. Can't putt for

######.

Got laid though.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Hothgorn TheBlack]

the first two i've seen in RL with some friends...kinda sad really. That last one gave me a chuckle...damn the truth hurts eh?